The Funeral Phenomenon: Honor Your Parents While They’re Still Here
Honoring Elderly Family – There’s a troubling pattern in our society that needs addressing, even if it makes some people uncomfortable. It’s time we talk about the “funeral phenomenon” – adult children who can’t find time to visit, call, or check on their aging parents and grandparents while they’re alive, yet suddenly appear at funerals with tears and emotional displays of grief.
This hypocrisy is not only heartbreaking; it’s a fundamental failure to honor those who gave us life and raised us.
What Scripture Teaches About Honoring Parents
The Bible is crystal clear about our responsibility to our parents. In Exodus 20:12, God commands us to “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” This isn’t a suggestion – it’s a commandment, one of the Ten Commandments that forms the foundation of moral living.
Jesus himself reinforced this principle. In Matthew 15:4, He said, “For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.” These are strong words that demonstrate how seriously God takes our obligation to care for our parents.
The Apostle Paul further clarifies this duty in 1 Timothy 5:4: “But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.”
The Reality of Modern Family Neglect
Honoring Elderly Family – Yet what do we see today? Adult children who claim they’re “too busy” to visit their elderly parents. Grandchildren who go months without calling their grandparents – or worse, who act like their grandparents don’t exist until someone forces them to acknowledge the relationship. Family members who skip birthday celebrations, miss holiday gatherings, and can’t spare an hour to sit with someone who invested decades raising them.
The excuses are endless: work is demanding, the kids have activities, traffic is bad, they’re tired, they’ll visit “next weekend.” Meanwhile, elderly parents and grandparents sit alone, wondering why the phone never rings, why their children and grandchildren have become strangers.
The Grandparent Crisis
This neglect is particularly heartbreaking when it comes to grandparents. These are the people who often spoiled us as children, who had patience when our parents ran out, who slipped us extra treats and told us stories of “the old days.” They loved us unconditionally and delighted in our presence.
Yet many grandchildren today treat their grandparents as irrelevant relics. They’re too busy with friends, too absorbed in social media, too focused on their own lives to spare time for the people who helped shape their family’s legacy. Some grandchildren only interact with their grandparents when their parents force them to – showing up with sullen faces and fake smiles, going through the motions of “caring” because they have to, not because they want to.
This false love is perhaps more painful than complete absence. At least honest neglect doesn’t come wrapped in pretense.
But watch what happens when death comes calling. Suddenly, these same absent children and grandchildren appear at the funeral home with tears streaming down their faces. They deliver emotional eulogies about how much their parent or grandparent meant to them. They post touching tributes on social media. They comfort each other about their “devastating loss.”
Where were these tears when a simple phone call could have brightened their grandparents’ entire week? Where was this emotional investment when their aging grandmother needed help with groceries or their grandfather was recovering from surgery? Where were the grandchildren who couldn’t be bothered to visit but now sob uncontrollably at the casket?
The most painful sight is watching grandchildren who showed nothing but indifference or forced politeness while their grandparents lived, suddenly becoming heartbroken mourners when it’s convenient to their image.
The Hard Truth About Funeral Grief
Honoring Elderly Family – Let’s be honest about what’s happening at many of these funerals. Some of those tears aren’t just grief over loss – they’re tears of guilt. Guilt over missed opportunities, neglected responsibilities, and love unexpressed when it mattered most.
Proverbs 27:5 tells us that “Open rebuke is better than secret love.” Our elderly parents don’t need secret love that only surfaces after they’re gone. They need open, demonstrated love while they can still feel its warmth.
Breaking the Cycle
If this message stings, good. It should. But it’s not too late to change course if your parents or grandparents are still with you.
Start with simple steps:
- Call them at least once a week, not just when you need something
- Visit regularly, even if it’s inconvenient
- Include them in family activities and decisions
- Listen to their stories, even if you’ve heard them before
- Help with practical needs like medical appointments, house maintenance, or technology
- Remember special occasions without being reminded
For grandchildren specifically:
- Stop treating your grandparents like strangers at family gatherings
- Put down your phone and talk to them when you visit
- Ask about their lives, their memories, their wisdom
- Don’t wait for your parents to force you to show interest
- Remember that your presence – genuine, engaged presence – might be the highlight of their week
Stop making excuses:
- “I’m too busy” – No, you’re making other things a priority
- “They understand” – No, they’re just too gracious to guilt-trip you
- “I’ll visit next month.” – Why not this month, or this week?
- “They don’t need anything” – They need YOU
- “We don’t have anything in common” – You have love and family history in common
A Challenge to Our Communities
This isn’t just a family issue; it’s a community problem that reflects our values as a society. We’ve created a culture that worships youth and convenience while discarding the elderly as burdens rather than treasures.
Churches, families, and communities must work together to change this narrative. We need to teach younger generations that honoring parents isn’t just about obedience in childhood – it’s a lifelong commitment that reflects our character and our relationship with God.
Don’t Wait for the Funeral
Honoring Elderly Family – The time to honor your parents and grandparents is now, while they can still hear your words, feel your hugs, and know they matter to you. Don’t let pride, busy schedules, or past conflicts rob you of these precious opportunities.
Because here’s the truth that funeral tears can’t change: once they’re gone, they’re gone. No amount of grief, no beautiful eulogy, no expensive flowers can make up for the time you chose not to spend with them when they were alive.
Your grandparents won’t be here forever. The grandchildren who ignore them today will one day stand at their funerals, but their tears won’t erase years of indifference and missed opportunities.
As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” The season for honoring your parents and grandparents isn’t after they die – it’s right now, while they’re still breathing, still hoping to hear from you, believing that maybe today their child or grandchild will call.
Don’t wait for the funeral to show you care. Honor them today.
What steps will you take this week to honor the elderly members of your family? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s encourage each other to be the children and grandchildren our parents deserve.